Improving Your Relationship
Let's start with the premise that your relationship is decent enough to continue with it. If not, there are plenty of self-help books and girlfriends to chat with to contemplate staying or leaving your man.
Just remember one thing. It may be cliché when you hear a women say "I knew he was the right one for me", but remember it is said because it's usually the truth. If your little inner voice is telling you, "I know he's not the right one for me", you should listen to it, girlfriend.
Okay, that said, let's move on. You are in a relationship. Perhaps you have an occasional argument, periodic heated discussions or even routine major fights with your significant other.
Or, maybe you get along with your partner; but you are bored silly. Tired of the routine, tired of visiting his mother, tired of feeling blah with this man. Perhaps, on the other hand, you are just somewhere inbetween these spectrums of relationship woes.
Regardless of the situation, there is an opportunity to improve your relationship which should result in greater happiness for you. The concept is quite simple, yet with all the Oprah's, Dr. Phil's, Sally's Jesse's, Dr. Laura's and numerous famous relationship authors out there; this perspective, which you are about to learn, is one which has never been publicized...until now.
Most of the books and tv shows specializing in relationships tell you how to act, what to do, what not to do, to love yourself, and on and on and on. You've heard it. You've been there. In fact, you've probably tried most of them. But, this one we're about to reveal is new...and it's simple.
The secret to improving your relationship is this: Pretend you are the person receiving you. "What"?, you ask. Okay, listen carefully. You are you -- you know what you want, you know who you are. You have needs, desires, and wishes. You know when you're angry, sad, happy, etc.
But stop for a moment and think about what it's like to be your partner -- the one receiving you. He is receiving your love, your demands, your emotional highs and lows, your laughter, your kindness, your work problems, your spirit, your smiles, your friendship, your anger and so on.
Pretend you are him. How would it feel to receive what you give? What sort of things would you like and not like about it? How difficult would it be to be in a relationship with you? Maybe not difficult at all, or maybe really difficult. The point is, you need to understand what you are giving and how you are giving it in a relationship to better understand your partner's reactions (positive and negative) toward you.
For example, look in the mirror. What facial expressions do you use to your partner when you talk to him? Are they demanding, stress-filled or angry expressions? Now think about it a moment. How would you feel if you werereceiving those expressions. Remember you are him for the moment. If you were him, how would you respond to your expressions?
Now test your tone of voice. When you want him to do something, when you are upset or distressed, when he has totally frustrated you, or maybe you just had a bad day at work...listen to your tone of voice...from his perspective. Is it harsh, loud, direct, or is it kind and respectful? How would you feel if someone were talking to you with that tone? Would you want to be talked to in the same manner?
The whole concept of imagining yourself on the receiving end of you is not to just be concerned with how your man feels. It's about improving the relationship to benefit both of you. It's to really understand what's it's like to live with you, to be in a relationship with you, to talk to you.
Now picture lying next to you when you wake up in the morning. Remember, you're not you right now, you're him. Imagine it. You open your eyes and there before you is the woman you love. What would you like to see? The back of someone jumping out of bed and quickly heading off to work? Think about it...maybe you would like to open your eyes and see the woman you love smile back at you upon awakening.
Of course, we are not saying men are perfect. Please! Don't we all know that. Remember, we started with the premise that your man is not a total jerk. We respect that you have chosen a partner that works pretty well for you.
What we are saying is that sometimes when another person is frustrating us, not understanding us or just plain angering us; it's really important to fully understand how you are being perceived. How does it really feel to be the other person involved in a relationship with you?
Now, in order to have this method of relationship improvement help you, you need to practice it on an on-going basis. Next time you want to yell at him for forgetting to pick up his clothes again, stop and think if it were you. Would you want to be yelled at...even if you did something wrong? Would you want to be reminded of your shortcomings constantly, or even harshly for that matter, from someone you love. Would being yelled at and scowled at motivate you to change for your partner?
Maybe you're not so bad, you decide, after putting yourself in the receiving end of you. But, are there areas for improvement? Do you expect your partner to understand every month that PMS is making you insane? Of course, there is a certain threshold of tolerance a man must make for a woman in this area; but truthfully, would you want to be on the receiving end every month of a wild maniac. If not, perhaps there's something you could modify in your behavior even during your PMS days.
Maybe, on the other hand, you are the type of person who withdraws a lot. How would that make you feel if you received that from a partner?
Maybe you are needy, but you find your partner is rejecting. Think for a moment. Would you like to be on the receiving end of constant neediness? How would you feel about that? Would you be rejecting too?
Ask yourself some hard questions when you are seeing yourself in a different light. Is this someone you would really want to be around?
How about affection? If you were your partner, would you want or enjoy more affection from you? Would you like you to show more initiative in generating fun for the relationship? Perhaps what you are expecting from your man is something you should be giving. Maybe you're bored because you are being boring.
If you routinely practice picturing yourself on the receiving end of you, you will find that you will automatically make adjustments in your behavior. Big or small, they will make a difference in your relationship with the man you love.
We're not asking you to sacrifice your needs as a result of this process. We're saying that as you begin to better understanding how you are received, you will find your needs begin to be better met by your partner simply because you have changed your way of relating to him.
Sometimes we get so lost in what we are feeling or trying to "make things right" that we lose an understanding of what it's like to be around us. On the other hand, we may never have even thought what it's like to be on the receiving end of us.
This concept works great for other relationships too. Your mother, boss, your sister, friends...all the people you relate to. How are you coming across to them? Is it the same way you would truthfully want to be treated? Think long and hard. Most times you'll find there's some room for improvement in all of your relationships.
Remember, don't wait for the other person to understand all that you want and all that you should have. Improving your relationship can be as simple as looking at it from another perspective. A perspective which allows you to see exactly what it is like to be with you. One where you can make adjustments, enhancements and positive changes as result of understanding how you are received.
Forget about waiting for someone else to change your relationships to bring you what you want. It might all just begin with you.
Happy Loving, GirlFriend!